Monday, January 12, 2009

'They' found me!

When I started to write the title to this installation, the word 'fondled' auto-filled instead of found. That would have been a laugh riot.

But the fact of the matter is dead serious. As serious as a heart attack, 'they' would say. But then, if it was OJ Simpson having a heart attack, would it really be that serious?

Cellmate : You okay Juice?

OJ : Ahhh... My chest hurts. I think I am having a heart attack. AHH! *cough* Go get a guard, man.

Cellmate : Does it hurt?

OJ : Yes... please. AHHH!

Cellmate : Does it feel like maybe someone is stabbing you over and over in the chest, Juice?

OJ : Yeah, man. *cough* Please... hurry.

Cellmate : Does it feel like multiple incised wounds of your face, neck and chest?

OJ : What? Come on man, I can't breathe.

Cellmate : Say if you suffered a superficial incision to the neck and a deep gash of the throat, that is how you feel?

OJ (falling over) : Please, I can't... *cough* help please.

Cellmate (donning a designer yarmulke) : Juice! It looks like someone put some digitalis purpurea in your food! Note to self, Orenthal, fuck NOT with the Jews! (kicks The Juice while he is down - uncool, but somehow overlookable)

There is a stalker present. Or at least someone who is 'following my blog.' Who could possibly know about this thing? No one is supposed to be aware of my presence on the web. I write expository, yes... but not for anyone to actually read. Now, what do I do?

The stalker has no picture, which enforces my suspicion that it is one of the elite intelligence agencies who has the capacity to keep track of my movement through the very device I use to communicate with the Reticulans from Project Serpo.

Henceforth I will communicate only in code with the Reticulans. I will still use English here so that I do not have to leave my public key laying around for misuse by the Powers.

I have a friend named Durin. I would say we are very good friends, but in truth, I am not that good of a friend to him. He is a good friend of mine, and definitely one of the smartest people I know. He has a beautiful wife, Tiffany, who I had the hugest crush on for the longest time (before they were together). They have a gorgeous little boy, Royal. The kid rocks. I remember right after my bar opened, Durin brought him in before business hours and we put him to The Test. He performed amazingly well. I have never seen a kid drink 32oz of beer that fast. Not at 2 years. We high-fived and took a picture for when he is older. He will appreciate it I think.

If you ever meet a guy named Philpott, don't let him touch your computer. I love him to death and would do anything for him... but let him touch my computer. No, computer is not code for 'cock.'

That is all. - Jim

1 comment:

nerpamama said...

hi jim, just found this and wanted to wish you the best. there is no better teacher than the road...take care of yourself and enjoy! heather