Monday, January 12, 2009

'They' found me!

When I started to write the title to this installation, the word 'fondled' auto-filled instead of found. That would have been a laugh riot.

But the fact of the matter is dead serious. As serious as a heart attack, 'they' would say. But then, if it was OJ Simpson having a heart attack, would it really be that serious?

Cellmate : You okay Juice?

OJ : Ahhh... My chest hurts. I think I am having a heart attack. AHH! *cough* Go get a guard, man.

Cellmate : Does it hurt?

OJ : Yes... please. AHHH!

Cellmate : Does it feel like maybe someone is stabbing you over and over in the chest, Juice?

OJ : Yeah, man. *cough* Please... hurry.

Cellmate : Does it feel like multiple incised wounds of your face, neck and chest?

OJ : What? Come on man, I can't breathe.

Cellmate : Say if you suffered a superficial incision to the neck and a deep gash of the throat, that is how you feel?

OJ (falling over) : Please, I can't... *cough* help please.

Cellmate (donning a designer yarmulke) : Juice! It looks like someone put some digitalis purpurea in your food! Note to self, Orenthal, fuck NOT with the Jews! (kicks The Juice while he is down - uncool, but somehow overlookable)

There is a stalker present. Or at least someone who is 'following my blog.' Who could possibly know about this thing? No one is supposed to be aware of my presence on the web. I write expository, yes... but not for anyone to actually read. Now, what do I do?

The stalker has no picture, which enforces my suspicion that it is one of the elite intelligence agencies who has the capacity to keep track of my movement through the very device I use to communicate with the Reticulans from Project Serpo.

Henceforth I will communicate only in code with the Reticulans. I will still use English here so that I do not have to leave my public key laying around for misuse by the Powers.

I have a friend named Durin. I would say we are very good friends, but in truth, I am not that good of a friend to him. He is a good friend of mine, and definitely one of the smartest people I know. He has a beautiful wife, Tiffany, who I had the hugest crush on for the longest time (before they were together). They have a gorgeous little boy, Royal. The kid rocks. I remember right after my bar opened, Durin brought him in before business hours and we put him to The Test. He performed amazingly well. I have never seen a kid drink 32oz of beer that fast. Not at 2 years. We high-fived and took a picture for when he is older. He will appreciate it I think.

If you ever meet a guy named Philpott, don't let him touch your computer. I love him to death and would do anything for him... but let him touch my computer. No, computer is not code for 'cock.'

That is all. - Jim

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Nothing frozen... everything gained.

We have finally thawed here in Seattle and are now inundated with floodwaters of Biblical proportions. Which has closed I-5 for a twenty mile stretch south of me so I guess it is the coast for Althea Harvey and myself.

I am sure she won't mind the twisty windy out of Olympia. It is a chill drive until you hit the smell of Aberdeen with its 'Come as you are' sign trying to capitalize on its native and quite dead son. You can't blame them. What the fuck is there to do in Aberdeen expect start a rock band and hang out in Seattle?

After the thaw I inspected Althea for signs of damage from the freeze. I was having some doubts as to the veracity of the gauges that were showing the fresh water tank, the black and grey water tanks as being empty and the LPG as being full.

I was pretty sure there was something dumped into the black water tank during a test of the toilet. Maybe not enough to register a hit to the 1/4 tank sensor, I guess, as I took my 5-gallon Home Depot bucket and dumped about nine gallons down the toilet and the sensor showed 1/2 full. I am not sure how many gallons the black water tank holds because I can't find specs on my rogue or 'Maverick' Tioga, but I estimate 15-18 gallons.

I bleached my water hose and started filling the fresh water tank. I forgot that I had opened the drain valve during the freeze, so it would drain when the thaw came, so I hadda close that after an initial scare of 'crap, there is water pouring out of the tank!' I watched the level meter which lit up its increments as the tank filled. I started the water pump and turned some faucets. There went the grey water meter. I guess shit is all working after all.

Well, I had a scare with the water heater until I was told that it takes 30 minutes to really get some hot water. I also started the fridge for the first time and after 24 hours, it was cold and the freezer was frozen. 

The only weirdness is that the generator meter is not working and the LPG meter doesn't seem to be working. It is showing full, but the gauge on the tank shows 1/3 or so. 

I will have that all checked out before I leave for any period of time. Why am I telling you all this? I am not... this is all personal journal shit that happens to be publicly available. Don't make me slap you, you know you will like it.

One bit of oddness about this whole thing is the fact I am completely clueless as to how to decorate Althea Harvey. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, says to me... well, put things on the walls that you would like to look at. Make it feel like home to you.

Well, if you have seen my home, you would understand my dilemma. I have almost nothing on the walls. I do not have pictures of my family or loved ones (no offense to those concerned), I do not like pictures of trees or animals or cars or hot chicks or that kind of shit.

The only things I DO have on my walls are a fabric wall hanging that has no purpose or meaning, the national flag of Tibet, a picture of His Holiness The Dalai Lama, a picture of Barack Obama, a painting of Sakyamuni Buddha and Tara.

So, do I transfer all this shit to Althea? ^^ponders the implications^^ I will probably bring an image of His Holiness and maybe one of Jerry Garcia. Some Buddhist prayer flags might be nice hanging around. I will definitely need some for my awning should I ever use it. The colors are not all that bad, some kind of blue scheme is going on, but I will deal with that soon enough. I figure it is like the owning of a house, where it takes you awhile to really get the feel of what will work and what can be done.

Of course, I have owned my house for five years and it has five things on the wall.

Now, I have to shop for a toad, which is a towed vehicle behind the RV that allows you to park and set up camp and then drive to the local watering hole or off into the desert to be naked with the scorpions.

Oh yeah, word to all.. there will probably appear pics of me in various states of undress, as soon as I can find a nudist RV park.

Ohhh... just found 'em.

Why is the Super Bowl in Roman numerals?

That is all. - Jim